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The Worst Diet Ever

August 2, 2012

Apologies for not having been around for a while.  I’ve been busy losing weight, some of it very quickly and using a method I don’t recommend.  Yep, I had food poisoning.  All through the week of my precious annual leave as well.  I hear your silent words of sympathy and am grateful.

Remember, guys, be careful with your cooking otherwise your body might well go crazy in ways too icky to talk about online and you’ll recover approximately a week later wondering where a kilo per day went.

I am now on the anti food poisoning diet and, although I don’t have my test results back yet (I was ill for 6 days and test taken on day 6 – after that I started getting lots better as opposed to just ‘being able to stand up’) I think it’s best to know your enemy.

Campylobacter: From contaminated food or water, often raw poultry, fresh produce, or unpasteurized milk. A person can also be infected by close contact with infected people or animals. Symptoms start 2 – 4 days after exposure and generally last 1 week.

Cholera: Yes, like ‘love in the time of…’.  It occurs in places with poor sanitation, crowding, war, and famine.  So not London then, apart from the crowding.  You get it from drinking contaminated water and complications can include death.

E Coli enteritis: You can get this from eating food prepared by someone who hasn’t washed their hands properly or who has used dirty utensils.  You can get it from dairy (incl. mayo) that’s been out of the fridge too long or foods not stored at proper temperature.  Also from raw fish or from fruit and veg that hasn’t been washed properly.  Also raw fruit and veg juices, undercooked meat or eggs.  I think you’d have to live on the shredded wheat only diet to have a zero chance of contracting this so my advice here is wash your hands and your utensils, store and cook stuff properly and otherwise just don’t worry about it.   The good news is it usually does just what any other food poisoning does and forms of it that are more dangerous are rare.

Fish poisoning: I’ll let you read the details if you want but ew!  Cook fish properly, if you eat it at all – otherwise you might find you have visitors – tiny, wriggly visitors who bring the gift of diarrhoea with them.

Staphylococcus aureus:  Annoying website I was using for info didn’t have a link for this so I wikipedia’d it.  The Wiki page is hard to decipher (for me anyway) but I think you can catch this from your pets and the food poisoning variant gives you horrible food poisoning for up to a day.

Salmonella: Not something you get from eating salmon – is more a poultry and eggs thing.  You can also catch it from iguanas!  Does nasty things to you for a couple of days.

Shigella: Another contaminated water thing that Londoners are unlikely to get.  Symptoms are often mild and go away on their own.

I’m off to bed now but I’d like to leave you with an amusing patronising film about how to avoid food poisoning.  Enjoy! (sorry about the ad – you can skip it after a few seconds)


From → Diet, Healthy eating

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